考研英语作文评改系列（一）

考研网

　　2014年考研英语大作文
　　52. Directions:
　　Write an essay of 160-200 words based on the following drawing. In your essay, you should
　　1) describe the drawing briefly,
　　2) interpret its intended meaning, and
　　3) give your comments.
　　You should write neatly on the ANSWER SHEET.
　　(20 points)

20141119045527366.png

　　学生习作原文
　　As is depicted above, in the first picture a young woman held hands with her little daughter thirty years ago. In the second picture, the little girl has grown up. She holds her aged mother’s arm tightly In both of the picture, the daughter and her mother are smiling happily .
　　The pictures are simple but are really thought-provoking. As we grow up, our parents grow old. It is time for us to return for our parents.
　　Parents give us ours lives and raise us up. When we are very young, parents feed and cloth us. They save money to support us to go to school. They look after us carefully until we have the ability to live alone . When we success, they are happier than me. Once we failed, they will give us a warm hug and say“it does not matter”.
　　What I want to emphasize by the above analysis is that, to be a son or a daughter, one should gratitude parents and respect parents. One should accompany them frequently and do not make them feel lonely. Only by doing this can we give a better return for them .

20141119050149120.png

20141119050213603.png

20141119050238727.png

20141119050258372.png

　　分析：
　　作文尝试使用了课上所学的套用句型，结构完整，逻辑连接也比较合理。在语法方面，没有大的句法问题，不足之处在于：不少句子写的过于保守——也就是为保证语法正确而写了许多短小的简单句而没有大胆使用高级语法结构。原作中有很多两个简单句可以合并为一个长句复合句的情况，建议同样存在以上问题的同学，在接下来的复习中，多花点时间把四种从句，即主语从句，宾语从句，定语从句，状语从句好好研习一下，对写作，阅读都会有所帮助的。
　　（本文作者为中公考研辅导老师——陈鹏）