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2015考研英语看图作文范例点评:啃老族

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发表于 2017-8-6 15:51:40 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
新东方在线编辑整合了一系列考研英语作文,并附有批注和全文的点评,希望大家能够通过不同的话题,针对范例中的错误进行自我修正,从而提高写作水平。
    2015考研英语看图作文范例点评:啃老族
   

1401265750852024.jpg

1401265750852024.jpg

    写作原文
    As is vividly depicted in the picture, a father has received a letter from
his son, on which without anything except(改为but)a word: money. It reveals a
serious issue of (改为in)our society: more and more people live off their parents,
even if they are old enough. We call the people who is(建议删掉,直接用简单句表达即可)
“boomerang kids”.A careful analysis of cartoon may reveals some reasons under
the problem, which involves three causes. For one thing,Chinese parents indulge
their children so that it takesfew(改为little,few修饰可数名词,little修饰不可数名词) time to
develop their children(改为children’s,孩子们的) independence. In addition(建议改为For
another,与前面For one thing对应起来), the boomerang kids may never realize the hard
working and enterprising spirit is(改为are,宾语从句的主语用and连接,谓语动词用复数)a magic weapon to
make their life pleasant, efficient ,(加and)successful. Last but not least, the
education in our school ,especailly(拼写错误,改为especially)university,
attach(改为attaches) more importance to academic marks, which ignores the
significance of students’ independence ablilty(拼写错误,改为ability).In order to solve
these issues, both family and school should join hands to create an free
atmosphere to spirit the young people take care of themselves, while at the same
time, the boomerang kids(改为kids’) efforts are indispensible,
(加and,两个句子之间用连词连接)they should change the lazy behaviors. To conclude my essay, I
would like to quote an old saying “a young idler, an old beggar”.
      总体点评
    整体来说,文章写得不错;但还存在个别简单的语法错误。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章,便会减少不必要的错误。考研英语作文的整体思路你已经基本掌握,后面要做的就是多积累高分佳句,为自己的文章增彩;再者,写完之后一定要认真检查,减少失分点。
    参考分数(满分20分):13
      考研英语写作水平的提升是需要不断地练习,在改正错误中不断取得进步,不怕犯错误,怕明知道犯错误却不面对。希望广大考生切记。2015年,加油吧,冲击考研英语高分!
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      3、暑假在即,【暑期备考】让你过一个充实的假期。
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    获取更多2015年考研资料、辅导尽在新东方在线考研。
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