2015考研英语看图作文范例点评：网络的“近”与“远”

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新东方在线编辑整合了一系列考研英语作文，并附有批注和全文的点评，希望大家能够通过不同的话题，针对范例中的错误进行自我修正，从而提高写作水平。
    2015考研英语看图作文范例点评：网络的“近”与“远”
   

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    　　写作原文
    As is shown in the picture the humans (加who are)divided alone keep contact
with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer ,which is their
mainly(mainly为副词，用来修饰动词;mean为名词，需要用形容词来修饰，可改为main)
mean(改为way或means，mean为“平均值，意思”;而means为“手段，方法”) to contact out(改为with the outside
world).In addition,there are spider net between everyone(改为it just like a spider
net),which lead the people alone.The picture revealed(时态保持一致，改为reveals) a
current social phenomenon that people dependent(改为depend，从句谓语部分应用动词)
extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider
net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall(改为the gap between two hearts),which
alienate(改为alienates，保持主谓一致)us,meanwhile,it is a net relate(改为relate to) us.
What’s more(加逗号) worrisome(改为the worrisome thing;worrisome为形容词，不能做主语) is that
they not only contact with strangers with(改为by，by表示“通过某种方式”) the net,but also
families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families
destruction(改为destructive,注意make sb./sth. + adj.的正确使用).In my opinion,though the
association in internet itself gives little cause for criticism(句子表意不清，建议改为the
internet itself should not give much criticism),people should use it in a proper
way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by computer is OK,but it is
indispensable for us to use it in(改为with) close friends. To have a good
result,the society should encourage the people to focus more on the real world
and the people themselves should enrich their lives and thoughts.
    　　总体点评
    本篇文章存在一些简单的语法错误，且说服力不够强。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章，并查字典或语法书，把自己不确定的都弄清楚，那么便会减少不必要的失分。不管什么问题，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的写作中能够多注重基础知识，比如句子的构成。然后可以积累一些好的词句，并将其运用到自己的练习之中，为自己的文章增彩。
    参考分数(满分20分)：10
      考研英语写作水平的提升是需要不断地练习，在改正错误中不断取得进步，不怕犯错误，怕明知道犯错误却不面对。希望广大考生切记。2015年，加油吧，冲击考研英语高分！
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