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2015考研英语看图作文范例点评:拔苗助长

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发表于 2017-8-6 15:51:24 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
新东方在线编辑整合了一系列考研英语作文,并附有批注和全文的点评,希望大家能够通过不同的话题,针对范例中的错误进行自我修正,从而提高写作水平。
    2015考研英语看图作文范例点评:拔苗助长
   

1401262185158724.jpg

1401262185158724.jpg

   
        写作原文
    As is vividly unfolded in the caricature,A(改为a) little boy is required to
finish reading a mass of books which are even higher than his height by his
father(此处作者想用by his father表达什么含义?建议去掉),whose facial expression implies that he
is rather unwilling and distressed.in(改为In) the picture,there is a book called
Early-MBA.genarally,It is(注意标点及大小写的正确使用,建议作者改为“, which is generally”)read by
adults.the(首字母大写) drawer aims to reveal a symbolic meaning that parents should
cultivate children according to his(改为their) aptitude,instead of blind notion of
education.In contemporary society,the number of students who suffer from cram
school(改为schools) and the pressure of their parents(句子层次混乱,建议加“,
which改为定语从句”)has increased at an alarming rate.Careful deliberation of this
phenomenon has illustrated me on why this should be so(表达不准确,改为There are
numerous reasons why exists this phenomenon, and I would explore only a few of
the most important ones here).Fierce competition,in the first
place,constitues(拼写错误,改为consists) one of the primary reasons.According to a
recent survey made by sina,there are one million students choose to pursue a
master degree after graduation.Attending cram school(改为schools) will lay a
foundation for future development.Convergent thinking existing in the society is
also the breeding ground for this trend.This undesirable general mood of society
will eventually result(改为results) in being devoid of innovation.If there is no
compelling interference to revease(拼写错误,改为reverse) this trend,our country is
bound to be influenced adversely.To be specific,It(小写) will lack of innovative
talent,be short of the motion to accelerate,(改为be short of the motivation to
promote the development of economy)and ultimately be detrimental to building up
a suststainable(拼写错误,改为sustainable)development society.In terms of my personal
experience,It(小写)is urgent and imperative to take counter measures.For one
thing, the public media should advocate and propagandize the notion of divergent
thinking,which will be conducive to one’s personal growth and core competitive
power.For another,students should foster a desirable life philosophy.If we can
implement as the above mentioned,the promising future can be well
guaranteed.
        总体点评
    文章采用经典的三段式结构进行阐述,重点突出,条理清晰;但还存在一些简单的语法错误。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章,便会减少不必要的错误。考研作文的整体思路你已经基本掌握,后面要做的就是多积累高分佳句,加强句子成分的分析。可以结合《写作160篇》的指导,继续积累、练习、巩固、提高。相信你会取得不错的成绩的!再者,写完之后一定要认真检查,减少失分点。
    参考分数(满分20分):12
      考研英语写作水平的提升是需要不断地练习,在改正错误中不断取得进步,不怕犯错误,怕明知道犯错误却不面对。希望广大考生切记。2015年,加油吧,冲击考研英语高分!
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    获取更多2015年考研资料、辅导尽在新东方在线考研。
   
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