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Dear sir(在不知道是女性还是男性的情况下最好都写上，Sir or Madam),
As I am a student who can stand by myself, I am writing to request if you can assist me to
find a student who need help .
I wonder whether it is convenient for you if two things regarding the child taken into account.
First, the child shou(should) come from Yushu where (在这儿加上主语people)suffer from the disaster badly. Second, it will be better
if he is a primary school student ,so I can support by myself .
I woud(would) like to gei(拼写错误，give) him my assistance until he gratuates(graduates) from college. Your attention to my inquiry
would be highly apprieciated(拼写错误，appreciated).Your (Yours) sinerely (sincerely),
Li Ming点评：5分
你基本上理解了题目要求，但是文章结构不尽合理，层次不够清晰，你就写成三段即可，或者两段。这样层次比较清晰，可能是由于具体的段落格式的问题，现在这样，感觉很乱，一个意群要放在一起。注意拼写错误，写完之后一定要检查一下，看有没有这种错误。注意后面署名的格式问题。课后多看看范文，学习结构安排和语言表达方面的技巧。加油啊。
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发表于 2017-8-6 15:44:49