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Dear Project Hope:（不是写给这个工程，称呼要写有关工作人员，Sir or Madam,另外，英语里没有冒号，称呼后面有用逗号）
I am a student of（加上冠词a） university. I want help (want to do)a child in a remote area. I need your help to find a child.
I want to help a senior student at least three grade (in grade three). He should better lovely, likes study and likes sports. (目前这个表达不太通顺，且有语法错误，可以写成it will be better if the child is lovely and likes sports and studying.)Then I will offer some money to him, and I will give many books, clothes and some sports equipments(to him后面这个to sb.不能少，这是give的用法). Besides, I will teach him on （help him with这个短语比较好）his study and his school life. I will help him several years. When I graduate from school, I will offer more money（to him这个to sb.同样不能少，是offer的用法）.
Thank you for your help. Waiting your letter return soon（不要用省略句，这是一封正式的信函。改为I am look forward to receiving your letter.）.
Yours,Li Ming(这个署名最好放在右下角，然后yours后面要有逗号)
点评：3-4分
能够明白题目要求，但是由于文中出现了太多的语法错误和语言表达不当的地方导致文章质量严重下降。注意信函格式，注意细节的语法问题，课后一定要多看看范文，学习结构安排和语言表达的技巧。可以先从简单句写起，然后再变成复合句，这样会避免出现过度的错误，认真听网络课程。加油啊。
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发表于 2017-8-6 15:44:48