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Mr and Mrss(Dear Mr. or Miss,)
I'd like to contribute to Project Hope(Hope Project较好) by offer（offering） financial aid to a child in a remote(remote area) now.I didn't mean to trouble you but have to(这句话删掉，不用),would you help me to find a candicate please?I want a children who studying （studies）hard ,gets a top grade,love (loves)the life very much and enjoy (enjoys)everything all over the world, have the enthetic to do the benefit works,thirsty to get new acknowledge and really poor that his family can't afford him.(and he or she is also thirsty for knowledge and in poverty.)What is the most important,he must have the ambitions to create(contribute to) our country when he grow(主谓一致) up.I think that I coule（could） provide all through his studying years.I know you are all busy,but I'll thank you very much if you can help me. Good luck!
Yours,
Li Ming
点评：3-4分
文章的主体内容能把握，但是结构层次不够清晰，而且开头的称呼不正确，已经帮你改正格式，望参考。另外语言表达上有很多问题，课下多看看范文，学习其中的结构安排和语言表达方面的技巧。加油啊。
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发表于 2017-8-6 15:44:46