2011考研作文批改范例1

考研网

Dear the children committee:（建议改为To whom it may concern，或者是Dear sir or Madam，）
I want to do （增加something） for the children at distance. I gave these children 50 yuan one year（I can give 50 yuan to one child each year） on plan, but this is only the thing（改为 although it is far from enough）.
I understand me , I cannot do a lot of thing for distance children. I do not understand you give me what is a plan.
I often in the office. I can give my knowlegal for them, but I do not use it.
I want to do it, so you give me a advice. I believe me that I can do it beatiful. I have a stronger ,but how use it is the problem. I think the family may accept the thing. That think in the life.（内容不符合写作要求，语言表达错误过多！）
Your friend,
Li Ming
我想为远方的孩子做些事，我知道能力有限。不知道做什么。你们能给我个建议。我有力没有地方使。一年给个50元钱不能解决问题。
点评：0-1分
　文章没有正确按照要求完成写作，内容不符合要求，结构层次混乱，语言表达不清楚，通篇的语法错误。希望该同学在今后的英语学习中，加强基本功的练习，并且多学习英文范文。有了足够的语言输入之后，才能够顺利的输出正确语言。当然，老师还是很欣赏你敢于动笔的努力态度，因此老师希望你不要气馁，从英语基础抓起，多学习优秀英文范文，一定可以提高写作能力！