看图作文在英语作文中是大家普遍缺乏练习的一种类型，一个提高的方式就是看范例和点评，针对其中的错误进行自我修正。
网络的“近”与“远”:
12eb8917957a4411883cbb891594a20d.jpg
写作原文
As is shown in the picture the humans (加who are)divided alone keep contact
with each other by internet. Every one owns a computer, which is their
mainly(mainly为副词，用来修饰动词;mean为名词，需要用形容词来修饰，可改为main)
mean(改为way或means，mean为“平均值，意思”;而means为“手段，方法”) to contact out(改为with the outside
world). In addition, there are spider net between everyone(改为it just like a
spider net), which lead the people alone. The picture revealed(时态保持一致，改为reveals)
a current social phenomenon that people dependent(改为depend，从句谓语部分应用动词)
extravagantly on the internet rather than the normal conversation. The spider
net is a great metaphor of the soul-wall(改为the gap between two hearts), which
alienate(改为alienates，保持主谓一致)us, meanwhile, it is a net relate(改为relate to) us.
What’s more(加逗号) worrisome(改为the worrisome thing; worrisome为形容词，不能做主语) is that
they not only contact with strangers with(改为by，by表示“通过某种方式”) the net, but also
families. It is a dangerous game! Maybe,it would make the families
destruction(改为destructive,注意make sb./sth. + adj.的正确使用). In my opinion, though
the association in internet itself gives little cause for
criticism(句子表意不清，建议改为the internet itself should not give much criticism), people
should use it in a proper way. Chatting with strangers or distant fellows by
computer is OK, but it is not appropriate for us to use it in(改为with) close
friends. To have a good result,the society should encourage people to focus more
on the real world and the people themselves should enrich their lives and
thoughts.
总体点评
本篇文章存在一些简单的语法错误，且说服力不够强。作者在写作完之后若可以花费几分钟时间来回读文章，并查字典或语法书，把自己不确定的都弄清楚，那么便会减少不必要的失分。不管什么问题，只有自己查了，才能更好地掌握，希望你在以后的写作中能够多注重基础知识，比如句子的构成。然后可以积累一些好的词句，并将其运用到自己的练习之中，为自己的文章增彩。
参考分数(满分20分)：10
英语写作水平的提升需要不断地练习，在改正错误中不断取得进步，不怕犯错误，怕明知道犯错误却不面对。看了范文和点评，希望大家有思考，有提高。
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发表于 2016-7-11 08:46:20