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Dear administrator of the Project Hope:（英语中没有冒号，称呼后面用逗号，另外，你的称呼不要这么写，直接写Sir or Madam就好）
I’m writing to find a candidate to which I could offer a financial aid.（这句话没有表达清楚，可以改成I am writing to ask you to help me find a ….）
As a college school student, I don’t have too much income, so I’d like to find a primary school student whose school expense (用复数)won’t costs （情态动词后面用动词原形）a lot. I wish to help a diligent girl which （whose做形容词）family can’t afford the money for her study so that she will treasure the asist（名词形式assistance） I give her.
I plan to tribute 200 yuan per month to the child I help, (改成句号或者加连接词来连接前后两句话)I will send she （动词后面用宾格形式her）some books and aticles (articles)which is(are) useful for study, too. I also will write to her regurally(regularly) to ask her condition of life(about her living conditions).What's more, I will call on my classmates to help some more children which (人做先行词时，引导词用who 或者that)need our help in the remote area .We can go to their hometown together on the vacation so that we can care them more. I can haldly (hardly) wait for our pleasant trip.
I’m looking forward to your answer.Li Ming Yours sincerely,
Li Ming点评：4-5分
文章的大结构能把握住，但是有很多的细节问题，一定要注意语法错误和语言表达方面的失误。注意拼写问题，注意格式问题，绿色部分是帮助你修改的部分，可以参考。课后一定要多看看范文，多记忆好词好句，加强英语基本功的训练。加油啊。
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发表于 2017-8-6 15:44:48