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To whom it may concern,
I want to take part in Project Hope with financial help to a child who has suffered in the earthquake which happened recently.（原句过于啰嗦，建议改为I want to help a child who has suffered in the earthquake happened recently.）I'm writing this letter to seek your help to select a candidate.
Firstly, this child should live in a remote town, and he has lost both of his parents or his parents are incapable to to （删除）work. Secondly, the child is now between Grade one to Grade Six. Last but not the least, there's no donation to him already（he hasn’t received any donation till now）.
If you find the right person for me, please contact me at liming@sina.com.cn. Thank your(you ) for your kindly help and look forward to your reply.
Yours sincerely,
Li Ming
点评：6-7分
文章内容完整，结构清晰，语言表达较为流畅。另外建议不要刻意的去“制造”复合句。其实很灵活的短句一样可以得到较高的分数。
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发表于 2017-8-6 15:44:45