2011考研英语作文批改范例5

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Dear Sir（Sir or Madam）:(英语中没有冒号，要用逗号)
   
    I write this letter to ask whether you could do me a favour to find a candidate ,as I am really concerned with the Project Hope.
   
    The Project Hope ,from my own perspective ,is abviously （obviously）meaningful. Through the project, more and morechildren discontinuing their studies can be helped (get help).The candidate I want to aid should be a diligent girl desiring for the study opportunity. The credit of her study may not be the best one,however,her attitude of life ,of (改成and)study is critical. I will aid her with half of my salary until she could make her living.In addition,I am greatly convinced that through further communication between us, I also could give her some advice in all aspect(用复数).
   
    Thank you very much and look forward to your letter（I am looking forward to your letter）.
   
    Yours sincerely,
    Li Ming(署名一定要有)
点评：7分
文章内容符合题目要求，层次也比较清楚，所以你才得到7分。你的文章格式不太正确，目前是已经改好的，望参考改正。称呼中如果不明确，一定要把Sir和Madam都写上，后面的署名部分是老师帮你加上的，今后一定不要忘记写。另外注意文中的语法小错误和不妥当之处。注意这是一封公务信函，比较正式，所以不要用省略句。今后多看看范文，学习其中的技巧。加油啊。
    [b]