2011考研英语作文批改范例16
To whom it may concern,I’m a senior student from Wuhan University. Supported by my parents, I want to contribute to Project Hope by offering financial aid to a child with an attitude of hard studying and not being at school just because cannot afford the tuition（who has a good attitude to study and has dropped out school because his or her family can not afford the tuition fees.）. I will offer two years tuition (offer tuition fees for him or her for two yeas)and keep in touch with the child by letter to encourage he or she (动词后面用宾格形式him or her)to study well. After I graduate from school, I would like to offering (不定式，用动词原形，offer)financial aid to the child to help he or she (动词后面用宾格形式him or her)accomplish all (删掉)elementary education when I have a stable source of incoming.
Your （Yours）sincerely,
Li Ming
点评：3-4分
文章层次不清楚，可以分成三段较好。第一段是要求工作人员帮助你找到一名候选人。但是文中没有说明这个要求。在表达自己的具体要求时出现过多的语言表达不畅的问题和语法问题，导致文章质量严重下降。今后要多看看范文，学习结构安排和语言表达方面的技巧。加油啊。
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