2010考研英语作文在线批改范例六
The picture shows us,two handicapped persons throw down the walking stick ,supports by the arm mutually ,rushes toward the distant place.I thought the most of people associated with the cooperation and partnership,when they saw here.However I think , the cooperation is also must have certain prerequisite .
just like the persons in picture, they are not lost same leg and common advance direction .So they can come together.Also implies social relations.Conditions for cooperation have be the same ambition and making up for one's deficiency by learning from others' strong points. Aspects of small the relationship between people.Aspects of big the relationship between nation.
What is the cooperation, that equality and supplementary and the same of ambition.
One leg of you,another leg of mine .We are together,the place where have we go.This word mean's ,merit of you,strong point of mine.For the common ambition,we together to work hard.
满分：20分 评分：4
同学你好，针对你的答题，参照真题评分标准，给你4分的评分。这个分数属于第四档的得分，不高，但基本符合你们目前的学习情况。
你的作文的主要问题是：1、句子的语法结构错误很多，且影响理解。2、还没有充分发掘题目的含义。3、整个文章的结构看起来不正规。4、有一些跑题，意思阐释的不太贴近图画。
给你的建议：
1、记住：大作文只有三段，最多最多4个自然段，不要写两段或者超过4个自然段的。按照这样题目所给的提示写。题目给了三个提升：你就按照这样的三个段落来。第一段， describe the drawing briefly， 第二段，explain its intended meaning, and then 第三段give your comments.
这样的结构是标准结构，所有的高分作文都是这样的结构。方便你的写作，你会在后来发现这样的写作的好处的。这个你是必须要听我的！
2、我在下面给你具体修改的时候，使用到得一些词汇，提出的意见，必须认真吸收总结。没有思考的反复练习是没有用的。
3、听一下王江涛老师的课程，你可以直接从中间开始听他讲授如何写三段论的画图作文。如何表达一些特定的意思，这些都是有框架和模板的，很方便。去看点东西，然后你再按照这样的思路再写的话，就要好很多。下次的作文争取拿到9分。
4、句子语法错误太多，你先从基本的简单句开始写吧，熟练之后再写长难句。
5、第一句千万不要写错，如果第一句一开始就写错了，整个文章的得分就很低了。
The two picture shows us that, （加一个that，改变第一句整体是个病句的情况） two handicapped persons throw down the walking sticks ,supporting by their arms mutually ,and rushed toward the distant place. （你的第一句本来是个病句，没有连词，一个句子有三个谓语动词。这是万万不能犯的错误。第一段属于描写图画的的部分。）
（第二段应该是要解释图片的。要阐述图片所隐含的意思。比如，可以这样写：The drawer wants to tell us in this drawing that disabled people dispite of their disadvantages, can help each other and make an impressive improvement It is a kind of cooperation. Just as the guys in the picture, one of them lost his left leg, and the other didn’t have his right one, so they can surpport themselves without sticks and enjoy their beautifull lives together. I am deeply moved by this.）
In my opinion, however, the cooperation also must（Is also must, are not lost等等 属于语法错误） have certain prerequisite .Just like the persons in the picture, they did not lose the same leg and common advance direction（不知其意） .So they can come together. This also implies social relations.Conditions for cooperation is the same ambition and the chance to make up ones own deficiency by learning from others' strong points. Aspects of small the relationship between people.Aspects of big the relationship between nation（不知其意）. What is the cooperation？It needs equality，supplement and the same ambition. One leg of you,another leg of mine .We are together,the place where have we go.This word means ,merit of you,strong point of mine.For the common ambition,we together work hard.
整个后面的部分作为第三段。但其中有些地方要做很多调整。你的评论是合作是有前提的，这个和原图画虽然相关，但有些出入。第一句我理解你的意思，但句子语法错误的太厉害，我直接删掉了。其他的有语法错误的，影响别人理解，我保留着，你自己琢磨琢磨怎么写更通顺一些。
Dear Accommodation Officer,
I am writing to formally request to exchange the single room next term.（这句动词不定式太多了，整句就显罗嗦了，可以这样说I am writing to request for a single room next term.）
The main reason for exchanging（最好写成exchanging for a single room.或者exchanging room这样不会有歧义的）single room is that I finding（应为find） it extremely difficult to work here. Because（可以去掉，因为这句话是对上句的进一步解释，两句一起组成了the main reason。所以去掉because直接说就可以了） my roommate always has friends visiting. I have no other choice but to exchange the single room.（最好写成exchange for a single room.或者exchange room这样不会有歧义的）
I am sorry （在英语中，sorry是个比较强烈的道歉词，一般层次的道歉都不用这个词的。可以说I apologize for any inconvenience caused by this request.）for any inconveniences I have caused by this reasons. This decision was not taken lightly, and I hope you will pay attention to this requests（因为前面用了this，后面应为request
）. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at 15212101501. I look forward to hearing from you soon（好句子）。
Sincerely yours,
小作文点评：
在句子的用法上错误较多，要注意下，也注意运用了些好句子，继续加油。
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